Someone like me: Not my monkey … not my circus
A timely reminder can focus our thinking…
…and make a real difference. As we work to gain greater control of our lives, we need tools to help us. We know if we can widen the gap between stimulus and our response, we gain power over our actions.
We talked about coping cards in a CBT workshop a few weeks ago. Delegates agreed that using a brief statement is helpful in better-managing worry, anxiety, or other needs.
“Not my monkey” was on one delegate’s coping card. It really resonated with me. ("That’s because I often feel I’m responsible… and start to act, before checking the facts”) The delegates shared how they use their own coping cards. I was so impressed by their stories I thought I research these tools a bit more.
First, what are coping cards
They are simple small “cards” with brief prompts on them. They remind us as users of any specific coping strategy or ideas. Most important they are super easy to use.
They might be on sticky notes, index cards, images, or on a phone note/app. You can have them in your wallet, stuck on the fridge, above your computer screen, or even as a bookmark. If they’re important you may want to laminate them or cover them in plastic. A phone app is a handy way of keeping your notes up-to-date and private too.
Research shows they deliver positive results.
Before we jump off into what and how you make them; it’s good to know that widespread CBT research shows that they work. Reports from more than 14 studies provide evidence of coping cards working across many situations. Knowing this evidence, would you want to try to use one?
So, what do you write on them?
They’re yours. You write what helps to remind you of positive statements. The goal is to support you adapt previously negative or untrue thoughts/behavior.
For example, if someone needs help with anxiety – they might find it helpful to have a card that read something like this.
“When I feel my heart beating fast, this is just the fight, flight, or freeze response. It is not dangerous. I can use my strategies to calm this.”
Write what and how it works for you
They can then list the strategies they find work best for them. Such as:
Paced breathing
Progressive muscle relaxation
Mindfulness or calming imagery of a favorite place
Distraction techniques such as reading, going for a walk, or listening to music
Other examples could include:
"I can't take it anymore." could instead read… “This is uncomfortable, but I can handle it if I take slow and deep breaths."
Once I label my stress from 1 to 10, I can watch it go down.
I have survived panic attacks before, and I will survive this as well.
Am I responsible?
For me, a card with “Not my monkey” is useful. It helps me to clarify, in this situation, am I “really” responsible? I can take a moment to consider my options and my real responsibilities. The sticky note above my desk with “Effective vs Right” is a regular reminder to assess every work situation.
How do you make one?
Simply create it on the media that best suits you. Sticky notes, index card, make a drawing on a card or use a phone app. Anxiety Canada has a useful free app with a coping card section.
When do you use them?
As soon as you become aware of any feelings of anxiety or concern, it’s a useful time to pull out the card/phone/app. They’re small and simple, and if on your phone you could be reading a text or watching a meme.
You can quickly and easily access advice or reminders that you know work for YOU.
Practitioners suggest that the best way to use them is to
Read them out loud (if possible) and repeat them until you start to feel better.
If one special statement helps calm you the most, then use it as a mantra, repeating it over and over.
Use paced breathing, slow and deep as you read your statements.
Try to smile as you are reading.
Making each day easier
We wish you every success as you create your own coping cards. You’re making deeply personal instant support just for YOU. You tailor them to your exact needs, and you can change them at any time. If you need a helping hand to successfully handle difficult situations, consider using a coping card – you’ll be pleased you did.
If you are facing difficulties and need medical help, please don’t hesitate to reach out to your medical practitioner. They are there to help and you don’t have to do this by yourself.
Our references and thanks to
https://www.anxietycanada.com/resources/mindshift-cbt/
https://www.choosehelp.com/topics/mental-health/rehab-for-patients-with-mental-health-challenges
https://positivepsychology.com/coping-cards/#templates
https://www.anxietycanada.com/sites/default/files/coping_cards.pdf
